so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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