she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
