i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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