My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
