I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
