How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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