It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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