He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
