how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
