Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
