I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
