and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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