Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
