Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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