Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
