Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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