Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
