Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
