jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
