WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
