If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
