Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
