this beer tastes like vomit already
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
