Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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