He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
