I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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