I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
