Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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