I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you bring me the toilet please
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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