My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
