My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
