just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
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i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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