Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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