I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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