she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
