did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
