Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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