am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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