On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
