I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.