We're like a lot better than the average bears
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all