So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.