I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...