He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...