just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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