I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
