I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
