and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
