no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
