all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
