What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
