Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
