So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
