my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
