he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
