This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
