I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
