i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize