and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
