Soap is not a condiment
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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