Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
