I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
