This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
