Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize